heart ache

how to describe this feeling? what will make some one's heart aches? when will some one feel heart aching?

last night, I've discovered something that i never thought it will ever happened... some one was gossiping bout what i did recently, and i knew too a lot more doesn't happy with me as i was not the chosen one, i don't care bout the a lot more, i don't care for that some one too, at least i am trying my VERY BEST not to bother bout that some one for quite a long period... but, the truth is cruel, that some one is some one that i never thought will gossip or comment about what i did & done, at least not to the friends around, but, it happened... i was shocked to know the truth... it beat my emotion to the lowest again...

i cried myself to sleep last night... and feel extremely sad for the whole night... but, someone cheered me up again this morning, by sending me sms & calling me up... thank you my dear... i really appreciate what you did for me...

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

the song above, is kinda, nope, it is really suit for me... thanks baby to share this very meaningful song with me...

Secret Love

想哭‏

相约在一个适合聊天的下午
分开很多年满以为没有包伏
我还打算回顾我们为何结束
还想问你是不是一个人住
当你微笑给我礼貌的招呼
当我想诉说这些年的感触
你却点满桌了我最爱的食物
介绍我看一本天文学的书
我想哭不敢哭难道这种相处
不像我们梦寐以求和幸福
走下去这一步是宽容还是痛苦
我想哭怎么哭完成爱情旅途
谈天说地是最理想的出路
谈音乐谈时事不说爱
若无其事原来是最狠的报复
当我想坦白我们的乐多于苦
你说水星它没有行、星好孤独
我才明白时间较分手还残酷
老朋友了再没资格不满足

What hurts the most?

today, baby shared a song with me early in the morning, she said the song is pretty suit for me... and it is in fact a nice song, a song that can tear my heart into pieces all over again... and if i need to cry out loud, i bet this song can helps a lot... hahahaha!!! Well, let's check it out!

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

Sickness

what is this world that i am living here? why is the ppl likes to gossip so much? don't they have something better to do? can you guys just stop commenting about what i am about? i am so sick... be it my body or my soul...

went to see doctor last night, as i feel extremely cold & also dizziness in the office, especially when i was walking to the rest room and also to my HR office for document submission, i knew that my body is not feeling well and i decided to take the medical slip from my HR and went to see doctor at night after aunt finished with all her house work... after the doctor check for my body temperature and also heart beat, he told me i have fever and flu... and he asked me to rest at home by issued a medical certificate to me...

i have took my 3rd time medicine from last night till now... but, still feel not so well... maybe i haven't got myself to sweat yet... need to sweat a lot b4 i can fully recover... that's the usual steps for me to get well from the sickness... will cover myself with blanket again, off the fan, close the door & windows and SLEEP!!!

for the ppl who is not happy to see me sick again, well, i will take it as one kind of concern from you guys about my health, and thanks a lot for it, i hate when i am sick too, but that is out of my range of control... if possible, i do not wish to sick too... the feeling is terrible & horrible...

suppose to have a date with my baby to Marmalade Pantry on this coming Saturday, but if i can't recover by this evening, then most probably we have to cancel the date... so, i shall do my best in order to recover by this evening... GET WELL SOON LAYFUN! BE STRONG! and last but not least, i wish everyone that i care & care bout me, to have a healthy & happy weekend ahead!

Uninvited

just knew that i haven been watching by some paparazzi from my office...

well, my blog is meant for myself to jot down things that i want to remember, for myself, not for paparazzi to watch my daily activities... and if you are not happy with what i am writing or posting, you can always choose not to read or visit to my site, i don't expect people who dislike or hate me to read what i write n post... after all, this is for my memories, not for others...

i used to care on how people might think or feel by the words i posted, i even closed the my older blog for a friend, whom i once really care a lot... really a lot... til my best friend why am i closing the old blog, i told them coz it has some problem occurred and i have no choice but to close it, and open another new blog... but, after so many things happened, i found that, all i need to do is to love myself, to care bout my own feeling, not others, where after all i have done, no one is appreciating it at all, all i get in the end is still negative, negative, and negative...

when you can't love anymore, that's when you start to hate... i don't hate people who i never love before... those i hate, were those i once loved with all my heart n soul... but had turned me down with their own reasons... which i am not interested to know it anymore... be it you were sincere to me or not at that time, as long as i know i was sincere, i did things from my heart, then everything happened before is not important anymore, it has become part of my memory... where it will fade off sooner or later... and i hate them coz they hate me, and their hatred has really affected me and made me hate them vice versa...

hatred is a feeling where drive people to look terrible, we will need to kill tonnes of cells to hate, and it will drive us to become uglier, older, and not welcome by other peoples, even if they did, just because they are as plastic as you, and me... we can't be friend to each other after we have been so plastic to each other... you once said it extremely loud behind me that you love plastic, but you never know how big was the impact after you said that... you were obviously referring to me at that time, and good, very good, till i decided i really have to drop this friendship... a fake and plastic friendship i had in singapore... to you, i am like a torn in your flesh, and to me, you are a torn in my flesh too, so, there is really no point for us to tell ourselves that we are friends... when we both hate each other so much...

to all the people who hates or dislikes me a lot, please stay away from my site, for those who wants to keep an eye on me by peeping my blog, my blog, my site, is 闲人与狗，不得内入, does not welcome for Paparazzi... please stay away or you will be sorry!!!

Thank you for being my readers and being care of what happened around me, but i don't need it from you, ms/mr. paparazzi... save it for all your other friends... if you have nothing better to do, sorry, i still don't welcome you to be my reader, becoz i don't care if you have anything to do, that's none of my business!

Reunion?

just got a bad news from uncle chiang that, we will have a new boss as jennifer is transferred to QEM, CL will be in-charged for PPE, NPD & process engineer... gosh... that means, we will need to reunion with NPD again... what a tragic!!! how to work as a team again with her? how to deal with this new boss? i have no strength at all...

i think guys are just the same... as we are not in talking term for about 2 weeks, and even when i asked him something bout work, i did not talk like last time, sweet and nice, to him anymore... i am controlling my feeling towards him very hardly... perhaps he is thinking that he has lost his charm on me, so, this 2 days, he started to do something to draw my attention to him... well, i am controlling myself to be consistent on this issue... i do not want to drag myself back to the dillema anymore... so pain, where, he has never care on how pain am i... never once that he shows his concern on me when i was suffering in this dillema... so, now, who cares how you actually feel? i dont want to care anymore... LET ME GO!!!!