today, is the 1st time, i spend this day, with his status as my EX-bf... the feeling is really complicated... i don't know if i miss him or what, but, i know i am being too much affected by this date... today also the 6 months after we broke up... the date that i initiated for our break up was April 12... 6 months ago...
no... i don't really miss him i know... what i miss now is the feeling to have someone beside me, for me to take care of, and taking care of me too... for me to call whatever sweet nick name that i want... for me to hug anytime, anywhere, for me to call up to talk nothing, for me to say i love you whenever i want, for me to love, for me to miss, for me to plan our future together... a hope...
but, unfortunately, he is not the right person... he has never been the right person for me to spend my future with, but i refused to accept this fact, i tried my very best for him to be the right person of mine... but i have failed in this project... he is still the John that i knew 5 years ago... no... he has become worst i should said... it is okie... at least i have woke up from the fairy tales dream of mine now... i know, i should move on! if he doesn't meant for me for real, then let him go.. i shall find my Mr. Right in the right time, right place... my prince charming should be on his way...
i just dun wanna spend this date alone today... so i will have a date with a gf later... i am afraid if the emotions kill me again, i will do something crazy again... the things that happened during last mid-autumn shall not be repeated anymore...
goodbye John~ goodbye my love~from today onwards, you & October 12 shall mean nothing to me anymore~
keep moving layfun~! ganbatte~!
