As usual, we were chit chatting with each other during lunch time, and today’s topic is FRIEND…
Alex was saying that a guy working in the canteen is my boyfriend, of coz, o reacted fast and denied for the untrue statement, he then said, he is a guy, and he should be considered as my boy-friend, not girl-friend, I then told him that guy cannot even consider as my friend as I don’t even know his name. I was asking my baby bout the minimum requirement for her to consider a person as her friend, she told me that as long as that person do good things on her, then they can be consider as her friend. I told her my minimum requirement is at least I know the name of that person. She said something quite true that if those people do something good to me, even though I don’t know their name, they should be considered as my friend too… I, somehow agree on this…
She then asked me a question, what bout those people who do good things to me and on the other hand, hurt me as well… I hesitated for awhile and there are few people flashed back in my mind… yes... There are some people who did good & bad things to me, who I love and hate at the same time… I told her, I can only see them as a stranger in my life, as I can’t love them anymore and I do can’t hate them on the other hand… I can’t love the person who hurts me but I can’t hate them as they was once touched my heart and being very good to me… it is very hard to forgive or to forget everything… the best is to ignore… yes… I will just ignore… although it is really hard to do so, and at the beginning stage of it, it is so difficult for me to ignore, I felt pains, I felt left out, I felt sad, I felt down, hatred full of whole body, I wanna yell, I wanna shout, I wanna cried, but, I have overcome this finally… I am plastic, I am not so truth, I am not transparent, and I am for sure, still a great pretender… but this is the only mask I can wear in front of my so far, yet so close “strangers”, besides being plastic, I don’t know how should I be…
Am I not sincere? No, for those who knew me for long, and knew me well, they knew how vulnerable I am… I am now just trying to do something that can protect myself… from being hurt by someone that I might trust wrongly, or love wrongly… be it a friend or a lover, I just wanna to protect myself, my heart, my feeling, my soul… I don’t wish to be hurt anymore… till now, I still trust people easily, but that day, I read a quote from a shirt, love everyone, but trust only a few… I think I have to bear this on my mind…
Of coz, I did good things and bad things too, and I did hurt other people’s feelings too, all I can said is, nobody is perfect, and I am just an ordinary girl, I am selfish, I am greedy when I have the desire for something… so, please forgive me if I ever hurt your feeling, and I know I can’t expect the persons I hurt before to forget, as I, myself can’t forget too… but I am learning to forgive…
